For all the joy....

Learning I was going to become a mum in a little less than nine months came as a surprise.  It was a big deal to me... a real big deal.

Look at it like this - career sorted > my choice of promotions laid out before me > big money > big opportunities > pay off mortgage before 30 = kids come later.

[caption id="attachment_80" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="not to mention getting "fat""][/caption]

Any woman who has ever had the surprise of being pregnant will know what I mean when I say I had some crazy thoughts.  All of a sudden I could sympathise with women who have abortions - though I don't think that "option" is the right choice.  I felt like I was losing my life.  I grieved for what my life was before - before this little life in me became such a part of me.



So my baby was born, all 7lb 7oz of her in naked splendour - and her mummies life just changed forever. 

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Two years on, that little life - the one that in the early months I forgot was in me (until the next bout of nausea) * the one I saw on the scan - at just 12 weeks - moving, kicking, sucking her tiny thumb * the one the Father named and prophesied over while I was grieving about my life * the one I felt move - which re-assured me "she's alive," * the one I bore in pain, with water and blood.....

She serves as a great reminder to me.  A reminder that Jesus bore me - in pain, with water and blood.

[caption id="attachment_83" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="Girls just wanna have fun"][/caption]

She is the delight of my life.  She brings so much joy.  God gave her to me, to remind me that I had dreams long before I had a career and opportunity on a platter.  Dreams that far surpassed the boring life my "career" could offer me.

According to wikipedia:  Lily of the valley is considered the sign of Christ's second coming. The power of men to envision a better world.

In the "language of flowers", the lily of the valley signifies the return of happiness.

 

Life for me in the few years leading up to the birth of Lily, was pretty dull.  Plagued with depression, stress, sickness, misunderstandings and many other difficulties.  It was much like a valley - a deserted one.  Not much grows in valleys or deserts.  Not much grows in a life full of deep pain.

I have realised a few things in my almost 18 months of motherhood:

• I expect far too much of myself


• I let others expect far too much of me


• I shouldn't read 'all those books' on parenting, before I'm a parent


• Babies don't do what 'all those books' say they will or should


• Next time round I will read less, and rest more


• I don't have to please anyone but Jesus


• Not everyone understands the choice of being a 'stay at home mum'


• Not everyone needs to understand


• Mum's are amazing


• Becoming a mum changes your friendships


• Love people and let them go


• Don't sweat the small stuff


• Let the children play - in the mud, puddles, dirt, rain, pantry....


• I can be a child again


• Mother in laws are amazing women, who should be loved, treasured and discovered


• Have hobbies aside from being a mum


• Jesus remembers our dreams and will get us back on track when we forget them


• Jesus heals depression, He wants us to be whole and FREE


• Love Jesus with everything


• Enjoy the moment

 

Recently, a man of God - and also a great friend - (you can read about him here http://www.symondrake.com/) - he had a word from God for me.  That was - "this is your happy season".  He didn't know how right he was.

Lily of the valley = the return of happiness

I'm on a journey.  Being stripped of all the stuff I've allowed in or filled my life with over the years, that just wasn't "me".  Being reminded of who I am, because of who He is.  It's a painful process, but I'm being made FREE. 

FREE = HAPPY

And tonight, the two of us sat in front of the mirror - with a camera, and squealed and fussed and had fun - just me and my girl, my Lily.  I'm so grateful for her - I wouldn't trade this for anything...



You can be FREE too.