I'm a foodie....

I'm a foodie.  There, I said it.

I love food.  I love choosing it, smelling it, touching it, slicing it, preparing it, baking it, frying it, cooking it, serving it, and most of all, eating it.  I LOVE the eating part.

But to be honest, I'm an addict.  That sounds hilariously funny, because we all need food to survive (obviously), but when you get down to the raw truth, I am addicted to food.  And coffee.

Not all food.  I can't openly proclaim that I am addicted to sprouts or vegetables or fruit or anything disgusting.  But I am definitely addicted to the good stuff.

I totally love preparing food, baking etc.  For others and for myself.  I love it too much.

I often get asked the question... like how do you go from

to

and, even more common - how do you look like

within a few months of having a baby.....  it doesn't really end.

My answer is usually hard work.  Because that's virtually the nuts and bolts of it.

The fact that I get asked nearly everywhere I go, nearly everyday, tells me that there are plenty of people out there who have the same problem as me.  As a society, we seem to classify addicts as people to who take drugs, or who smoke or have these habitual 'bad' problems that affect their health/wealth etc adversely.... well, I'm pretty sure obesity and too much extra weight can have adverse health problems too.

Most people I talk to want to know and seem to think I have some great level of self control.  And sometimes I do.  Most often, I don't.  I have a degree of self control for a season of time that I know will end.  And then my self control runs out.

Addict - to habituate or abandon (oneself) to something compulsively or obsessively.

So, that classifies eating when not hungry... or eating beyond full - as an addiction.  (as well as lots of other things I'm sure).

This has been a struggle for me lately.  When it is cold, raining, and I'm bored and feeling a bit sorry for myself - I eat.  That's how I got so large in the first place.  I ate when I was stressed and feeling emotional - to help me feel better.  So I'm back to square one and if I don't sort it out, it will get out of control.

But here is the raw truth to how I have got to where I am right now.... (where I am being a healthy weight for my height)

1) I admitted that I had a problem.  In fact, I am the problem.

2) I stopped blaming everything and everyone else for my situation.

3) I recognised that to change my life and my future, with God's help, only I could do that.  I could not change it for anyone else, not for my hubby, not for my kids, not for anyone else... for me.

4) I recognised that the problem was 'bigger than me' and that I needed HIS help EVERYDAY.

5) I saw what I was, and I saw that if I continued, I would not be able to run around with my children, to play with them like I wanted to, and that I couldn't give them the future I dreamed of.

6) I recognised the example I was setting for them

7) I decided to do it, and I did it.

I don't necessarily think there is any one way of achieving weight loss.  I have a method, and it works.  I know it would work for anyone, but not everyone can apply the same degree of dedication and restriction that I do in order to achieve results.  But I think, what it truly boils down to, is that when we see and recognise that it is me and my problem, we can actually deal with it if we want to.

I'm not going to look over my shoulder and hope that someone will come knocking on my door with an ounce  (or tonne) of motivation... for any area of my life.  Though accountability works, hence my straight up post.

I had to face huge emotional hurdles to be where I am today.  I had to face up to myself, to issues with other people that I had bottled up and locked away inside me.  To excuses I had to be how I was.  I had to replace my addiction to food with something else for the times when I felt sad/bored/lonely/whatever it may be.

I replaced it by 'being' with Jesus.  You might think I'm a freak.  And frankly, I don't care anymore.  Because I know He is alive and real and He is the only one who has the power to give us victory that lasts forever.

I am honest about life and my struggles.  That is how I am made to be.  That is how He made me to be.

When I 'be' with Him, the problems of life, what people say and do to me, the lonely feelings, the boredom and whatever else - well, it melts away.  It doesn't matter so much when I'm with Him.  And when I leave my 'being with' Him... they still don't matter so much...  I don't live a blissful life where problems are non-existant and I am not so thick skinned that what people say and do just wash off me...  in fact, I feel things incredibly deeply.  But I have learned to take those things to the only one who can wash them off me and make me new again.  And I have learned that by talking about them, and honestly communicating about them, I am made more free and others are given a taste of what can be available.

I am the first to admit - I do not have the victory over food that I want.... Yet.  I want to be at a place that when I am feeling low and bingey or craving, that I don't bake something and eat half of what I made for lunch.... instead of lunch.... or in addition to lunch.  Where I am satisfied by what I eat and I enjoy the extras.  Life is not made to not enjoy food.  I don't think that living a rigid life of plain, boring and healthy food forever and never letting a morsel of goodness pass the lips would work for many people... it certainly wouldn't for me.  I love chocolate, and sugar and all the good stuff.

But I'm in pursuit of a victory that leaves me satisfied.  That suddenly goes, hey, I'm feeling a bit low today - I'll go be with Jesus for a while and then I'll be ok.  

Or, I'll bake for my family, and I will be able to open the fridge or cupboard and not have to eat some of the baking every time.

I once heard someone say that being an overcomer is where in a battle, you win at least 51% of the time.  I think that's a good starting place to aim for.  That's where I'm going to aim.

So, today, instead of hiding from your battle, why don't you choose for yourself that you will 'opt in' to a life of freedom.  See, I want to be free.  I want to live in freedom so badly and not be swayed by all the earthly things.  Living from the perspective of heaven is so much better.

It means that we get just a bit real about life, about our battles and all that stuff.  We get real with ourselves, we get real with others, and most importantly, we get real with Jesus.  (who already knows ALL of your issues anyway).

Take your battle, and try 'being' with Him.  I promise you it will change your life.

xx

Let the running begin.....

So I bought me one of these....

A second hand one. 16gb, original generation.  Old, but it will do the job.  New for me.

It's quite nifty.  No camera, but connects to WIFI.  With a quick, cheap software update it can run apps and games and a whole lot of other cool stuff.  It can almost do anything... except for fly me to the moon.

I lost my old ipod in our move.  I actually cried, I was really upset as it was a gift and quite precious to me.  I don't hang on much to stuff, but replacing it was quite a task, which I guess, is why I was so sad.

But my new one is great.  I paid virtually the same as the original one cost.  (the original was second hand too).  It arrived and I loaded everything on, a few hours later I was making my first attempt at actually listening to a video on it - to find that the sound wouldn't work.  After a few investigations, I discovered that the input for the headphones/speakers was faulty  :'(  I was really discouraged and upset again because of thinking about having to deal with the company in Auckland that I purchased it from etc.

I figured out that I could hear it if the headphones were 1/2 plugged into the jack.  But it was very quiet and the volume adjustment made no difference to the sound levels.

But a brief thought popped into my head to pray for it.  I have what I call "weird" faith.  Like, I can believe for stuff like this to get fixed, but I struggle to believe for provisions of basic necessities!!!?  crazy.  Anyway, I didn't even really pray.  Just thought it.

Next thing, it's blasting in my ear so loud that I jumped & shrieked.  Then I heard nothing.  I resorted to that it was properly broken now.  Then I had a thought that perhaps it would work if I put the headphone jack in properly, and sure enough, now it is working A-OK!  Don't you love it!?  Someone else traded it in because it was faulty, and here I am with this cool blessing, that is working just fine!  He makes me laugh out loud - literally.

Anyway, I want to start up a couch to 5k running programme.  Losing my ipod put a spanner in the works, so getting a new one means I have to start it now - right!?

The trick is, you listen to these podcasts that have portions of walking music and running music that alternates... beginning on easy for the first week and increasing the running times/decreasing walking times as you go on.  You have to dedicate 3 x 1/2 hour slots per week to it - and in 9 weeks, I should be able to run roughly 5km in 30 minutes.  I'm not sure about being able to dedicate the time necessary, but I'm going to try.  I really want to get fit - I am so unfit it's ridiculous and it's time I sort that part of my life out.

So its me, couch to 5k in 9 weeks.  I'm starting Monday. 21 February.  Which means, all going ok, sometime around 23 April I should be able to do a 5k run non stop.  Eeeek sounds impossible right now, but I'm going to give it a shot!  Hopefully it will help me tone up a bit too!

I'll report in on it, maybe once a week.

Happy weekend all!  x

So, I'm about to turn 25.

This is something I have pondered over the last few months.

It is kind of a big deal to me.  The last few days I've been a wee bit emotional about this.  I guess I just realise that I may not of made this birthday.

25 seems, well, mature.  Like, I'm now all grown up - even though I am married with 2 kids and a mortgage.  It feels like I finally am "of age".  I turned 21 just after our wedding, so that wasn't a big deal.  The last four years have just kind of sailed past and here I am, my 25th eve.

I sure hope that I make the next 25 years count a lot more than the last have.

So, in light of this significant birthday - I have written some of my "bucket list" -
this was semi easy for me - I just thought, 'if I died this year, what would I regret not doing' - many of the things on the list are those things.  There are others that wouldn't be regrets, but just that I wished I gave them a better go.

I purposely tried to make the list "un-spiritual" if you like.  I am a Christain, it is easy for me to dream up ideas for the future for spiritual things - so I forced myself to dream of some other stuff.

So here we go:

• own my own home - freehold
• buy or build my dream home
• adventure travel to the exotic locations my hubby dreams of - as his travel partner, and do it his way (Thailand, China, Cambodia, Vietnam etc)
• spend at least a week in a top resort
• travel to Rarotonga
• get a professional photography shoot - just us two - a re-shoot of our wedding pics
• have a full body makeover at an all day spa
• run my own business
• work in a job I love, not for the money
• sing to/with an audience of over 5000 people
• celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary in style
• get a really nice diamond ring
• be someone's birth coach
• experience a white Christmas
• learn to rollerblade
• learn to ski or snowboard
• visit one of our sponsor children, while they are young
• lavishly decorate our bedroom
• bungy jump in Queenstown
• do a wine trail
• celebrate thanksgiving and make it a tradition
• see my kids come to a relationship with Jesus
• take my children to Disneyland
• watch the sunrise on New Years Day
• sleep under the stars with my family

I'm sure the list will grow longer as time goes by, but these are the things that have really stuck.  I'm looking forward to slowly doing them!

My Year in Progress....

So, I'm reviewing the last 8 months of my year...

This post here reminded me that I needed to do this.  See, it's kind of hanging over me a bit.

Well, so far, this year has been much of what 2010 brought.  Difficulty.  Thankfully, the difficulty has a ribbon of triumph weaved through it all.

God gave me this scripture for 2010 -

You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance. The wilderness becomes a lush pasture, and the hillsides blossom with joy. The meadows are clothed with flocks of sheep, and the valleys are carpeted with grain. They all shout and sing for joy!" - ps 65.11-13

I'm now claiming it for this season

Some of my "goals" I have not been able to physically achieve (ie exercise through pregnancy) - because of illness.  But I still have a few months left to try to get the others under my belt.

My wee boy is 6 weeks old now - and as a family we've decided we're in need of some healthy eating regime.  I love cooking, baking and entertaining.  Even more, I love eating.  So we've been loaded up on plenty of sugary goodness over the last few months and both hubby and I are a little worse off for it.

You may remember one of my goals was to lose weight while breastfeeding.  Last time, I couldn't knock about 7 of the pregnancy kgs until I stopped.  This time, I'm hoping to knock the last off.  And it is 7kgs! lol. fancy that!

I hear gasps from half of you - so just for the record, I'm not going to do be a diet freak.  I'm not going hard out low carb like I would if I wasn't breastfeeding - but I am making good choices.  I will aim for slow and steady loss & toning.  If I see bubba get affected by it, I will make alterations.

So instead of my weetbix or toast for brekky, I'm opting for whole-grain rolled oat porridge.  (OMGOSH).

The plan is also to do moderate exercise.  After all, I am supposed to be doing a triathlon in April with this lovely lady.  So I'm thinking if I start now and work up slowly, I'll be ready to do some more intense training in the new year (hahaha).

Perhaps I will add a weekly review of how this is going and some stats of my hoped-for weight loss.  The real aim for me is fitness, and toning up of my whole body my "fatty bits".

As for the other goals:

try to be a little bit tidier - I can say, I am definitely achieving this one!  I actually thought this was the least likely for me to achieve.  And I'm doing it naturally now!

be more encouraging - I would hope this to be true, but I haven't made as much effort as I would of liked.  Thankfully I still have a few months left.

look for God and gold in people - still working on this - and probably will be forever.

draw God and gold out of people - am doing this!

have even more of an open home - definitely improved, but want to be even better.

get to know more people - definitely achieved this one - ay bloggy babes ;-)

improve my guitar playing - the hubster has given me a few more tricks to use!

As for any additional goals - one of them (which I had not publically confessed) was to play keyboard at church at somepoint.  Well, fancy that - I have done it!

I even did it while worship leading a few times (which is not an easy feat) - and am a self confessed lover of this!  I'm looking forward to getting back into it in the not too far away future.

Well - that's me, are you seeing some of your goals achieved?

Humour me.....?

Today, just for fun, I'll humour you a little - here are some pics of Lily -

 with her new "hat"...

 

  

 

She walks around with it completely covering her face - can't see a thing, and bangs into stuff all the time - but loves it....??

 

 

 

 

Humour #2.  We made a cake last week.  A mammoth of a cake.  My little bro turned 21, and my mum asked me to do his cake.  Then she "suggested" it could be in the shape of a guitar.

 

I obliged (I quite like working my creativity out on tasty things).  I'm not that skilled, this is only the 2nd cake I've ever made into something other than an oblong with standard icing.  But I'm learning...

 

  

 

So here is the finished product - before it left my house....

 

 

 

I didn't get any really decent pics - it was so big it was sitting on cardboard which didn't help!

However, (here's the humour), when it arrived to it's destination - it was dropped on the rug in the hallway (it wasn't me).  My 2 hours of icing went out the window :( 

So when I arrived at the party, my cake had been redecorated quickly by my sister.  And looked quite different. 

In my brother's words "still looked good still tasted good so its all good".

I did laugh about it later.

Well, apart from that and a festivity filled weekend - I must update you -

I'm 13 weeks today (scan changed my DD to 15/08), and I'm feeling much less sick, exhausted and nil energy.

So, miss 1 and I went for a stroll in the bush at a local park, and I did 10 mins of rowing.  It is about all my unfit body can handle after not being able to do any exercise for the last 9 weeks!  Working on it!  Will keep you posted on that one.

I'll leave you with this....

the delight of my life......

Humour me Monday.....

Today, just for fun, I'll humour you a little - here are some pics of Lily -

 with her new "hat"...

[caption id="attachment_244" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="show me your hat!She walks around with it completely covering her face - can't see a thing, and bangs into stuff all the time - but loves it....??walking the lawn..."][/caption]

Day 20/30 - its going too fast!!!

We went away in the weekend, and I indulged, during about 3 meals...  how I've missed my sweets.  But I'm over the need to indulge, and back on track today!

Here are the stats....
I am rowing between 35 and 41 minutes now. Feeling fitter. Still need to test it out with a run.

I am getting closer to my goal, and am officially (for the first time in our whole relationship) lighter than my hubby.  I also have visible abs.  Yes, I do folks!! haha.  Not that I'm toned....

So, with 10 days to go, the goal is nearer!!  I want to continue on past the 30 day mark, heading for the tri - so will set myself challenge after challenge.

More interesting posts coming tomorrow..... x

My 30 day CHALLENGE!

I had a few personal goals for this year.  Very few.  I'm learning how to not expect too much of myself.  That should probably be one of them.

The list pretty much looked like this:

• stop breast-feeding


• lose weight


• get fit


• live a healthy lifestyle

Now this is a challenge for me.  Eating is probably my greatest weakness.  I eat when I'm stressed, depressed, bored etc.  Oh to be a mum at home with a new baby... haha.  I just like eating.  Over the previous 5 years, the stresses I had been under meant I ate - and put on nearly 40kg.  I lost 20kg before I fell pregnant...

I don't like these pictures - I'm just proving a point

[caption id="attachment_92" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="pretty much at my biggest"][/caption]

I want to live well, set a good example, and when I'm done with kids and they've all moved out - I want to be fit and healthy and able to live out the dreams I have for then.

So - stop breast feeding - check.  Lose weight - check - about 15kgs of it.  (step 1 - admit I have a problem and am the only one who can change it).  Get fit....uhhhh... live a healthy lifestyle.... uhhhh....

I'm not quite done with the losing weight, but MOTIVATION has seriously lapsed lately.  With it coming into party season, our anniversary and both birthdays in one month - makes for a month of goodies.  I went to the gym for a bit, but carting miss 1 to a babysitter, gym then going back made it take almost 3 hours.  To do that 3 x a week? NO WAY!

[caption id="attachment_93" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="just a couple of weeks ago"][/caption]

My delightful in-laws see my desperation of wanting to exercise, but having a busy 1 year old who is rather determined beyond her years.  And, they see their son, skinny, but a nice round POT forming on his front.

Birthday = NEW ROWING MACHINE!! I like.

So, now that the "party month" is over, I set myself a new goal.  I call it - the "30 day challenge".  I have a month.

Goal = get fit, and lose AS MUCH of the remainder of the weight that I can.  And hopefully tone up pretty much my whole body the "problem areas".

I still struggle with my eating - and I can help myself - but I don't really have the power to change me.  God does - so I've been asking Him for victory.  And I KNOW He is going to give it to me.

I will check in to say how I'm going.  Day 2 - I'm feeling good and have rowed both days.  Might need a rest tomorrow.

[caption id="attachment_94" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="My AWESOME friend Kristy and I... enjoying a special moment together"][/caption]

 

You can read about that amazing lady above - here http://www.paisleyjade.com/