Hello and other ramblings...

Hello again! Wow, its been a REALLY long time since I last wrote anything on here. Life has got away in me a bit these last, well 7 months. I've been pregnant and had a baby in that time even. It feels so long that in fact, I dont know where to begin. This year has been laced with challenge to challenge, its been hard for many around us, and hard for us. And as I sit here, reclined, my feet up in a lazyboy,the sun tearing through the window of Room 2, NICU, Auckland City Hospital... holding my 2 week old baby who is really only 31 weeks old, I just ponder life a bit... This year has been good. Laced with difficulty, but good. When I look at the people around me that have faced trials, challenges and depths of pain, I see a maturity that has risen to the occasion and carried on. There are great wells of tears that have been sown into the ground, a ground found ferftile for growth, because it has been dug,turned over, fertilised by the revelations and depths found in trials since gone by, but mostly, because the people have known where to cling when everything else is shaking. You can rise to the occasion when you know the One who carries you through and has seen the end from the beginning. Sure, its hard, and in the hard moments it doesnt change that sometimes we want to stay in bed in the morning, lie down flat and not get up anymore, forgetC our responsibilities and run away, or just plain break. We want to, but mostly, we get up, we face the day, we carry on for the light of a better day glimmers through a tiny crack in the door. I could write the story of my son's birth, little Ezekiel David, all 3lbs of him, and I will, but I'll save it for anothet day. For today, I just want to say, rise up. Get up again and face the world. Shake off the weight of heaviness that tries to swallow you up and find your garment of praise- the 9n that He designed specially for you. The one that looks at the rain, but sres the rainbow. What you fix your eyes on is what you get. The rain is the trial, the challenge, the pain... the rainbow is the promise that holds your feet firm. You actually can choose how you face the day, how you handle the trial, how you cone out theother side. If you find yourself facing the same thing, with the same attitude and the same heaviness repeatedly, I'd examine closely the choices you're making in facing the challenge. Where are your eyes fixed? What does that look like? Is it the right perspective or have you bought into a lie... People often say, why has God allowed this to happen? Why am I in this place? Where is He in this? Dumb stuff happens because we live an imperfect life... whether its from our own choices or actions, that of another or whether its just something we've been thrown with no one to pount at... it doesnt matter. What we do when we question Him, is we questiin His integrity. We question His love. We ques tion His faithfulness, His goodness, His perfect Father heart. We question whether He's there at all... questions are ok for a moment, but they should lead us to a deeper encounter with Him, a deeper knowledge og His love and a deeper understanding that He IS all of those things (and so much more) in absolute perfect form, far too great for our minds and hearts to comprehend... but He REMAINS all of those things even in our trials... Perfect love, perfect faithfulness, perfect friendship, perfect Father, perfect in all f His ways toward us, all of the time. Afterall, He is the Only One who never changes...

I'm a foodie....

I'm a foodie.  There, I said it.

I love food.  I love choosing it, smelling it, touching it, slicing it, preparing it, baking it, frying it, cooking it, serving it, and most of all, eating it.  I LOVE the eating part.

But to be honest, I'm an addict.  That sounds hilariously funny, because we all need food to survive (obviously), but when you get down to the raw truth, I am addicted to food.  And coffee.

Not all food.  I can't openly proclaim that I am addicted to sprouts or vegetables or fruit or anything disgusting.  But I am definitely addicted to the good stuff.

I totally love preparing food, baking etc.  For others and for myself.  I love it too much.

I often get asked the question... like how do you go from

to

and, even more common - how do you look like

within a few months of having a baby.....  it doesn't really end.

My answer is usually hard work.  Because that's virtually the nuts and bolts of it.

The fact that I get asked nearly everywhere I go, nearly everyday, tells me that there are plenty of people out there who have the same problem as me.  As a society, we seem to classify addicts as people to who take drugs, or who smoke or have these habitual 'bad' problems that affect their health/wealth etc adversely.... well, I'm pretty sure obesity and too much extra weight can have adverse health problems too.

Most people I talk to want to know and seem to think I have some great level of self control.  And sometimes I do.  Most often, I don't.  I have a degree of self control for a season of time that I know will end.  And then my self control runs out.

Addict - to habituate or abandon (oneself) to something compulsively or obsessively.

So, that classifies eating when not hungry... or eating beyond full - as an addiction.  (as well as lots of other things I'm sure).

This has been a struggle for me lately.  When it is cold, raining, and I'm bored and feeling a bit sorry for myself - I eat.  That's how I got so large in the first place.  I ate when I was stressed and feeling emotional - to help me feel better.  So I'm back to square one and if I don't sort it out, it will get out of control.

But here is the raw truth to how I have got to where I am right now.... (where I am being a healthy weight for my height)

1) I admitted that I had a problem.  In fact, I am the problem.

2) I stopped blaming everything and everyone else for my situation.

3) I recognised that to change my life and my future, with God's help, only I could do that.  I could not change it for anyone else, not for my hubby, not for my kids, not for anyone else... for me.

4) I recognised that the problem was 'bigger than me' and that I needed HIS help EVERYDAY.

5) I saw what I was, and I saw that if I continued, I would not be able to run around with my children, to play with them like I wanted to, and that I couldn't give them the future I dreamed of.

6) I recognised the example I was setting for them

7) I decided to do it, and I did it.

I don't necessarily think there is any one way of achieving weight loss.  I have a method, and it works.  I know it would work for anyone, but not everyone can apply the same degree of dedication and restriction that I do in order to achieve results.  But I think, what it truly boils down to, is that when we see and recognise that it is me and my problem, we can actually deal with it if we want to.

I'm not going to look over my shoulder and hope that someone will come knocking on my door with an ounce  (or tonne) of motivation... for any area of my life.  Though accountability works, hence my straight up post.

I had to face huge emotional hurdles to be where I am today.  I had to face up to myself, to issues with other people that I had bottled up and locked away inside me.  To excuses I had to be how I was.  I had to replace my addiction to food with something else for the times when I felt sad/bored/lonely/whatever it may be.

I replaced it by 'being' with Jesus.  You might think I'm a freak.  And frankly, I don't care anymore.  Because I know He is alive and real and He is the only one who has the power to give us victory that lasts forever.

I am honest about life and my struggles.  That is how I am made to be.  That is how He made me to be.

When I 'be' with Him, the problems of life, what people say and do to me, the lonely feelings, the boredom and whatever else - well, it melts away.  It doesn't matter so much when I'm with Him.  And when I leave my 'being with' Him... they still don't matter so much...  I don't live a blissful life where problems are non-existant and I am not so thick skinned that what people say and do just wash off me...  in fact, I feel things incredibly deeply.  But I have learned to take those things to the only one who can wash them off me and make me new again.  And I have learned that by talking about them, and honestly communicating about them, I am made more free and others are given a taste of what can be available.

I am the first to admit - I do not have the victory over food that I want.... Yet.  I want to be at a place that when I am feeling low and bingey or craving, that I don't bake something and eat half of what I made for lunch.... instead of lunch.... or in addition to lunch.  Where I am satisfied by what I eat and I enjoy the extras.  Life is not made to not enjoy food.  I don't think that living a rigid life of plain, boring and healthy food forever and never letting a morsel of goodness pass the lips would work for many people... it certainly wouldn't for me.  I love chocolate, and sugar and all the good stuff.

But I'm in pursuit of a victory that leaves me satisfied.  That suddenly goes, hey, I'm feeling a bit low today - I'll go be with Jesus for a while and then I'll be ok.  

Or, I'll bake for my family, and I will be able to open the fridge or cupboard and not have to eat some of the baking every time.

I once heard someone say that being an overcomer is where in a battle, you win at least 51% of the time.  I think that's a good starting place to aim for.  That's where I'm going to aim.

So, today, instead of hiding from your battle, why don't you choose for yourself that you will 'opt in' to a life of freedom.  See, I want to be free.  I want to live in freedom so badly and not be swayed by all the earthly things.  Living from the perspective of heaven is so much better.

It means that we get just a bit real about life, about our battles and all that stuff.  We get real with ourselves, we get real with others, and most importantly, we get real with Jesus.  (who already knows ALL of your issues anyway).

Take your battle, and try 'being' with Him.  I promise you it will change your life.

xx

what not to do......

when you start running.... here's my list compiled of what NOT to do

1. set out at 8.30am, when the traffic is busy and all the bored motorists waiting in queue have no better scenery than you in your running clothes...
2. leave less than 30 minutes after breakfast, meaning you feel like heaving about 2/3's of the way through
3. notice that there is A LOT of traffic, and not wanting to interrupt your podcast running/walking times, proceed to run down the busiest road in your city on a weekday morning
4. breathe in all the lovely fresh diesel and petrol fumes from all that traffic
5. get to the bottom of the hill, then realise that you now have to make it up some hill nearby as a part of your run (because you don't want to overdo it when you're just starting out)
6. decide that to make your run exciting (and to avoid the zillions of passing by motorists staring at you) that you will not run back up the hill you just came down...
7. Notice that the ONLY hill nearby is the steepest hill in your locality, and maybe even your city
8. Take two kids in a double mountain buggy, up the steepest hill in your locality

Yip, that pretty much sums it up.  I completed my first run today.  I feel great for achieving it, and hopefully next time, I will know exactly what NOT to do....

Running..... how's that working for you?

haha.  I've just read this great book on parenting.  It is one of THE best books I have ever read on the subject - and I am quite a reader.

The guy has this quote that he uses, at the most hilarious times - "How's that working for you?"  like say his kids are brawling and one comes in sobbing for a sympathy vote - in discussion he says, and what could you do to your brother?  son says "punch him," dad replies "and how's that working for you?"

It sounds a bit crazy - you'll have to read the book ;-)

Anyway, I was meant to begin the great running game last week.  Notice I said meant to.  Because I didn't.

I have lots of reasons, but really they are all excuses.

BUT.
I didn't get the podcasts loaded onto my iPod until Tuesday.  Then on Tuesday, I thought my princess Adelaide had broken her wrist.  I spent Tuesday and Wednesday doing EVERYTHING for her (as well as a couple of trips to white cross etc).  Then it was Thursday.  It rained.  Anyway, the rest of the week flew past. I have been eating terribly for about 2 weeks, which does not motivate me to run in any sort.  As in, I don't normally eat bread, and I myself have probably consumed 2 loaves in the last 2 weeks.... not to mention the icecream, caramel everything and so on.  You'd think I'm pregnant.  And, I'm not.  hehe.

So, I am pondering a 30 day challenge coming up soon.  Anyway, I am inevitably going to try and start the running this week.  It just happens that the podcasts that I managed to load go from couch to 5k in 8 weeks instead of 9.  So I will still reach my goal when I wanted to - provided I actually begin this week!

Now I just need to switch off my desperate cravings for baking & eating it all!

More on succeeding at that some other time......

still a battle everyday!  don't want to live that way forever!  hey food, I'm supposed to rule over you.  So help me God!  ;-)

xx

Let the running begin.....

So I bought me one of these....

A second hand one. 16gb, original generation.  Old, but it will do the job.  New for me.

It's quite nifty.  No camera, but connects to WIFI.  With a quick, cheap software update it can run apps and games and a whole lot of other cool stuff.  It can almost do anything... except for fly me to the moon.

I lost my old ipod in our move.  I actually cried, I was really upset as it was a gift and quite precious to me.  I don't hang on much to stuff, but replacing it was quite a task, which I guess, is why I was so sad.

But my new one is great.  I paid virtually the same as the original one cost.  (the original was second hand too).  It arrived and I loaded everything on, a few hours later I was making my first attempt at actually listening to a video on it - to find that the sound wouldn't work.  After a few investigations, I discovered that the input for the headphones/speakers was faulty  :'(  I was really discouraged and upset again because of thinking about having to deal with the company in Auckland that I purchased it from etc.

I figured out that I could hear it if the headphones were 1/2 plugged into the jack.  But it was very quiet and the volume adjustment made no difference to the sound levels.

But a brief thought popped into my head to pray for it.  I have what I call "weird" faith.  Like, I can believe for stuff like this to get fixed, but I struggle to believe for provisions of basic necessities!!!?  crazy.  Anyway, I didn't even really pray.  Just thought it.

Next thing, it's blasting in my ear so loud that I jumped & shrieked.  Then I heard nothing.  I resorted to that it was properly broken now.  Then I had a thought that perhaps it would work if I put the headphone jack in properly, and sure enough, now it is working A-OK!  Don't you love it!?  Someone else traded it in because it was faulty, and here I am with this cool blessing, that is working just fine!  He makes me laugh out loud - literally.

Anyway, I want to start up a couch to 5k running programme.  Losing my ipod put a spanner in the works, so getting a new one means I have to start it now - right!?

The trick is, you listen to these podcasts that have portions of walking music and running music that alternates... beginning on easy for the first week and increasing the running times/decreasing walking times as you go on.  You have to dedicate 3 x 1/2 hour slots per week to it - and in 9 weeks, I should be able to run roughly 5km in 30 minutes.  I'm not sure about being able to dedicate the time necessary, but I'm going to try.  I really want to get fit - I am so unfit it's ridiculous and it's time I sort that part of my life out.

So its me, couch to 5k in 9 weeks.  I'm starting Monday. 21 February.  Which means, all going ok, sometime around 23 April I should be able to do a 5k run non stop.  Eeeek sounds impossible right now, but I'm going to give it a shot!  Hopefully it will help me tone up a bit too!

I'll report in on it, maybe once a week.

Happy weekend all!  x

what I've been up to....

Well, the year has officially begun.  Why does it feel like the year never begins until February?  I guess I still feel like I'm on holiday until February hits, and suddenly I realise that hubby gets no long stretch of time off until December, the years programmes are beginning again and well, what do you know - here we are, a month in to 2012!

Here's a mini-update on what I've been up to:

• we just returned from a week's holiday in Hamilton & Auckland.  I feel refreshed and ready for the year to start now...
• we have a great tenant in our house, a nurse, it worked out perfectly
• I'm considering commencing a couch to 5k running program.... but I've lost my ipod.  The music is cool though, semi-addictive, so I think I'll either have to find my ipod or get a 'new' (pre-loved) one  :(
• loving the new place, nicely stretched out, seemingly perfect for my passions - cooking & having guests!
• as it seems many others are also, I am quietly heading back to old fashioned communicating this year.... I have missed and long for face to face relationships over media ones....  I will still show up, but don't count on an update heaps... perhaps the face of this shall change - we will see.
• Mr John has a tooth (or two).  Happy 7 month birthday - a  tooth!  He is keeping my hands full!
• My year is looking excitingly amazing right at the outset!  New opportunities arising, getting regularly back into some things I'm passionate about - the joys of a baby weaning himself at 6 months! :-)
• I'm busy pondering an outfit, or three, for an up-coming wedding..... looking forward to getting glammed up once again!
• I cut and coloured my hair.  Dark brown, fringe again - a long easy to hide one :)  Feeling like a new me!
• I had a child-less shopping spree while away (I had about $250 of vouchers for Auckland stores to blow).  What an AMAZING time I had! whee!
• I have been offered a few jobs lately.... I'm not even looking for work.  Quite nice politely declining!
• I had an amazing opportunity to have a hands on experience at being a chef last night.....  I went into Vie Restaurant (at Flames Hotel) and assisted them with a wedding - catering for around 90 people!  It was so much fun and made me see why I love cooking all the more!!  My job was to plate half of the entrees & then plate the veges (and decorate the plates with sauces) for the mains!!  I got a few ideas, and just loved seeing the 'behind the scenes' at how they do what they do and why etc!  Good times.... better still, I get paid for it!  A busy job still!

Anyway, that's about it from me - seeya!

Welcome twenty twelve....

"You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.  The wilderness becomes a lush pasture, and the hillsides blossom with joy.  The meadows are clothed with flocks of sheep, and the valleys are carpeted with grain.  They all shout and sing for joy!"  - ps 65.11-13


This scripture, God made alive to me in 2010.  I've come to realise that when it comes to the end of one year, you can look back - and see the harvest in the difficulties.  When you come through the challenges, and have a bit of time to 'recover' - you can see God's goodness and His hand there, while you were struggling.


Things don't always look like what we expect.  Sometimes we have a sort-of imprint in our minds of what 'abundance, lush pastures, joy, flocks of sheep and carpets of grain' look like.  


After 2011, I found myself waiting for this amazing 'harvest' to arrive near the end of the year... only to discover, the harvest happened through the year.  The greatest harvest was in my heart.


I leave 2011 knowing Him in ways I never would have before.  Knowing He sits with those battling death, and never leaves.  Knowing he is literally with you in every circumstance.  Knowing He wills people to live more than we ever could.  Knowing that He alone governs our breathing, our living, and our dying.  Knowing He is the Healer.  Knowing that He restores relationships.  I have found myself challenged in some of the fundamentals of my faith, and leaving with a new 'knowing' in my heart that there is no other that I would rather rest my life upon - than the One who holds life together.


There were other harvests - some of those being the help that was extended to us through the difficulties - practical, emotional and spiritual help.  Prayers, meals, help at home, help with childcare, conversations, listening ears, love and support in SO many other ways.  Harvests in relationships with others...  Sometimes its not until you go through difficulty that you realise the great things God has put in and around your life.


I've come to appreciate 2011 and each challenge.


I must say, I have great anticipation for 2012 in my heart - I am SURE that there will be fulfilments of some of the promises that we (and many others) have only longed for or dreamed of.  I believe there is a harvest that follows faithfulness.  God is good and is worthy of serving with everything you have.  I know no-one greater and want for no other.


Happy 2012 everyone.  May it truly be crowned with the goodness of God and a harvest that is visible to you for your life.

Room with a view...

I wake up each day, to this.  I gaze out my lounge window, to this.....

How refreshing and beautiful... and peaceful.  Even in the rain which has been a lot lately!  I grew up with a view of the sea... I seem to gravitate to a view of the country & trees and I love it!

We've finally moved, put everything away and are settling into just life again - ahhhh.  This place is bliss! ♥  thanks mum and dad!

whew!

sigh. That's what it feels like just about now. a breath of relief in a momentary stillness.

We've had a hectic few weeks!

Here's my list of what has been or is about to be:

• loads of parties and functions
• packing up the house
• every one of us being really sick - the kids for over a week!
• shopping galore (I really LOVED late night shopping before Christmas)
• cooking & baking up a storm
• Christmas day
• Boxing day (with additional Christmas festivities) & seeing my brother & family from New Plymouth
• staying with my parent's in law & siblings in-law for a few days before they left NZ for 8 months (that was a crazy, fun house - 7 adults & 2 littlies!!)
• driving to auckland to bid them farewell. roughing it for the night cause of bad weather.
• driving back
• moving in to their house
• unpacking boxes, finding places for everything
• trying to explain to an incessant miss A that grandma's house is our new 'home' and grandma & grandpa have gone on a big plane for a long time
• trying to clean, get those last couple of boxes and a few jobs done on our old place
• attempting at finding tenants and becoming a landlord! eek.
• trying to catch the in-laws on skype!

Sadly, my hubby took a week less than was offerred to him and so goes back on Monday, without us really getting a break!  Gladly I'm dreaming about our next holiday already - which we've planned for later this month!

In other news, we took a break from all the work & took the kids to the pools this morning.  Mr John LOVED it and was SO keen.  His first swim - little cutie.  He's six months old. Can you believe it!?

In another 6 months, I will be celebrating his 1st birthday.  Thank you God for preserving my wee one's life.  He's been quite fiesty lately.  His dad looked at me the other day (in the middle of a fiesty bout) and I said - it's our fault for calling him "little fiery one".

The above picture - is princess Adelaide with her "microphone" singing to God.  That's what she told me she was doing, and what an adorable job she was doing.  True worship in the sight of God I'm sure.


She is sleeping in a big bed with no bars, all by herself.   That means Mr John can finally sleep in a bed he can fit in.... 

Mind you, the bassinet was very helpful with the eventful weeks we've had.

I've gained a few extra kgs after Christmas, and I think (apart from it still being in the cupboard) I no longer have an excuse to continue eating junk.  So, I'm trying to get back on my regime!


I am 100% glad to wave goodbye to 2011 and ride off into the sunset of 2012. It looks like it's set to be a beautiful ride (once all this craziness dies down!).