Welcome 2013!

I think I better find some blogging mojo again. There's this thing that happens to me when I blog, and trawl through all the blogs available for perusal at any random time. I seemingly turn into an inward focused 'life is hard' person. I don't know why it happens, but when I get too involved something chemically changes in me and I don't like it. Too much facebook, online stuff etc - what I would call living vicariously through other people's lives - it actually isn't good for anyone. We were made for relationships, true, real, deep, open, loving relationships... the kind that come from actually seeing and spending time with a person. I'm not talking about the lovey dovey type - just general friendships with people. So I'm not sure how I'm going to do this 'blog' thing and not turn into the incredible sulk ahem, hulk while trying to add a little something, a little more regularly. I'll think on that one. While I sit here, on this 30+ degree celcius balmy Sunday afternoon, Mr 18 months playing with tongs, a shirt, a saucepan and lid among other things... Mr 3months asleep and Miss 3 out to the movies with her dad, it's the very last day of our much needed summer holiday. We needed a break. Our lives have been a rollercoaster the last 2 years. We've moved house twice, I've brushed death, we've had and nearly lost 2 premature babies.... combined between me and my kids we have spent over 15 weeks in hospital since March 2011. Hospitals aren't fun places to spend time as a patient. They turn into quiet, solemn, lonely white halls at night. Deathly places. I'm sure its different if you work there, but when it's your life, and 8pm visiting hours finish arrives, it's like my heart would sink and a lump would rise in my throat as I faced another night alone in a strange place, separated from all I knew and loved. It's hard to keep your head even and stay focussed. I will write a little (or a lot) about our most recent journey someday soon. Anyway, we've had an amazing holiday getting used to being a family of 5, and just being a family again. Our baby was discharged on 2 December after 9 weeks in Neonatal Intensive Care and then Special Care and we had been split apart as a family for that entire time. We've spent time together, we've spent time with our wider family, we've spent time with friends. We've visited the beach, the farm park, playgrounds, the pools... played in the paddling pool nearly all day. Made messes of our house and barely cleaned up... eaten fruit salad for tea. We've eaten several kilograms of chocolate and treats, we've gained several kilograms each. The grown ups have started a health regime (mostly eating so far).... And it all ends today as my hubby donnes his shirt and tie, shiny shoes, leather belt, woollen socks and returns (greatfully I'm sure) to his airconditioned office tomorrow. So now, I think I might be able to find a few minutes in the day to write a little something to you readers (thanks for being patient)... maybe I won't seeing as I'll have 3 kids on my own again from tomorrow - haha - who knows. Happy 2013 everyone. I pray that this year is a year of pure joy, and a discovery of Joy Himself as each of you walks out and finds enjoyment in each moment - cause that is what this is all about anyway! x

Hello and other ramblings...

Hello again! Wow, its been a REALLY long time since I last wrote anything on here. Life has got away in me a bit these last, well 7 months. I've been pregnant and had a baby in that time even. It feels so long that in fact, I dont know where to begin. This year has been laced with challenge to challenge, its been hard for many around us, and hard for us. And as I sit here, reclined, my feet up in a lazyboy,the sun tearing through the window of Room 2, NICU, Auckland City Hospital... holding my 2 week old baby who is really only 31 weeks old, I just ponder life a bit... This year has been good. Laced with difficulty, but good. When I look at the people around me that have faced trials, challenges and depths of pain, I see a maturity that has risen to the occasion and carried on. There are great wells of tears that have been sown into the ground, a ground found ferftile for growth, because it has been dug,turned over, fertilised by the revelations and depths found in trials since gone by, but mostly, because the people have known where to cling when everything else is shaking. You can rise to the occasion when you know the One who carries you through and has seen the end from the beginning. Sure, its hard, and in the hard moments it doesnt change that sometimes we want to stay in bed in the morning, lie down flat and not get up anymore, forgetC our responsibilities and run away, or just plain break. We want to, but mostly, we get up, we face the day, we carry on for the light of a better day glimmers through a tiny crack in the door. I could write the story of my son's birth, little Ezekiel David, all 3lbs of him, and I will, but I'll save it for anothet day. For today, I just want to say, rise up. Get up again and face the world. Shake off the weight of heaviness that tries to swallow you up and find your garment of praise- the 9n that He designed specially for you. The one that looks at the rain, but sres the rainbow. What you fix your eyes on is what you get. The rain is the trial, the challenge, the pain... the rainbow is the promise that holds your feet firm. You actually can choose how you face the day, how you handle the trial, how you cone out theother side. If you find yourself facing the same thing, with the same attitude and the same heaviness repeatedly, I'd examine closely the choices you're making in facing the challenge. Where are your eyes fixed? What does that look like? Is it the right perspective or have you bought into a lie... People often say, why has God allowed this to happen? Why am I in this place? Where is He in this? Dumb stuff happens because we live an imperfect life... whether its from our own choices or actions, that of another or whether its just something we've been thrown with no one to pount at... it doesnt matter. What we do when we question Him, is we questiin His integrity. We question His love. We ques tion His faithfulness, His goodness, His perfect Father heart. We question whether He's there at all... questions are ok for a moment, but they should lead us to a deeper encounter with Him, a deeper knowledge og His love and a deeper understanding that He IS all of those things (and so much more) in absolute perfect form, far too great for our minds and hearts to comprehend... but He REMAINS all of those things even in our trials... Perfect love, perfect faithfulness, perfect friendship, perfect Father, perfect in all f His ways toward us, all of the time. Afterall, He is the Only One who never changes...